In the world of sports...

The latest from NY Knicks guard Stephon Marbury:

"When things got bad and then worse, guys like Quentin Richardson say, `I don't consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry.' He didn't care I was his teammate when I was banished. They left me out for dead. It's like we're in a foxhole and I'm facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn't even give me an honourable death."

WOW. What? I guess he just couldn't let Plaxico Burress be the biggest bonehead in the city. Good job Steph, you earned it.

Sports Team Caskets

Todays amNewYork revealed that there is a market for caskets bearing your favorite team logo. I didn't bother reading the article because my faith in humanity is already quite low (like, DOW JONES low), but pictured were caskets bearing the Mets and Yankees logos (separately). Hopefully, they throw in a separate smaller casket for your dignity. (oh snap?)

Worst Sports Website Ever?

Nice redesign. The sport itself is becoming unwatchable, why not let the official website follow?

Recent Sightings

Library: Fat, dumb looking kid heading straight to the Cliff Notes section. I would think a library would encourage people to go through the trouble of, you know, actually reading the books instead of taking the easy way out.

Walgreens: Fat lady (loudly) asking where the fungal cream was. Twice. Loudly.

McDonald's: Fat (trend?) lady (different from above) expressing her joy at her apple pies costing $1.08: "That's my price! HAHA!".

More to come eventually

Yikes

I've made references to people needing to kill themselves in two posts in a row...does that make me a terrible person or a daring revolutionary?

The Youth

The youth of our nation need to be destroyed. Let's just skip this generation and start over. Why? Well, I was innocently at my local Target where a group of kids (clearly just starting their sure to be illustrious college careers) were in line. One girl in the first group who was done paying decided it would be a great idea to (loudly) let everyone, including her boyfriend in the second group, know that she purchased a (Target brand) home pregnancy test. She was also...proud...of it? Also, excited about this. This is the most sincere statement I've ever written: I super sincerely hope that test comes out negative. There's some bad genetics coming from both sides. I wish Target would start making a home suicide kit, and make it real cheap.

Today's Weirdness

1) Spitters, as previously discussed, are
subhuman. That's why I take great pleasure in watching this gross habit backfire. For instance, spitting for no reason and
watching as Mother Nature blows it right back onto your shirt. Nice. I was hoping to see a full on temper tantrum, but the
spitter seemed to be okay with it. As if it's happened many times before...

2) SPOTTED: You know those promo fliers for clubs that get passed around? The glossy cards with terrible photoshopping? Yup.
Now, what if I were to tell you I saw a similar ad (similar meaning, exactly the same) for...a BARBER. Seriously. A barber. This
hair cutting establishment needs a few glossy fliers for Jack Kevorkian. He's still around, right?

3) Finally, I got the pleasure of two kids getting thrown out of the mall for throwing food in the food court. Naturally, these two
small white kids had to act tough telling the giant security guard to "hit people your own size"...which isn't very tough at all.
Nice try at posturing (no), but I hope you both got shot out back. They did succeed at making an unnecessary ruckus and
making fools of themselves.

Can we just declare martial law and be done with it? (take a wild guess to what I'm referring to)

Short Sleeve Mock Turtleneck

As some of you may know, popped collars are a pet peeve of mine. What could make it worse you ask? Well, how about a short sleeve mock turtleneck underneath? How's that? Yes, it's true...I saw this strange combo in a certain place. Where would one even get a short sleeve mock turtleneck? More importantly, why? In August no less?

Maury Povich

This week I'm the late shift at work, so every morning instead of frantically getting ready to avoid being late for work, I get to sit back and relax and watch tv. Usually, I stumble across "Maury". This week was apparently cheating lovers week (although I assume every week is on these types of shows), and there were several people who were cheating/suspected of cheating/cheated in the past/etc and they had the cheaters strapped to lie detectors and aired the results of the test LIVE (to the studio audience). It was exactly as terrible as it sounds. It was great that we were able to find out whether gross people were cheating on other gross people, but one mystery remains. Who, exactly, is constantly having sex with these extremely gross people? It can't be more than a small group of people, right? I refuse to believe otherwise.

Children's Books

Last night on my train ride home, I saw a young boy reading this:



It's a book about a fly who eats poop (or something...I don't stare at little kids while they read, because that is super WEIRD). In any case, nice going Children's Literature.

"She was either too drunk or too sober"

HUH? I over heard this statement while walking back to the office after grabbing (my delicious) lunch. Even if I heard the entire conversation, and was able to put this statement in the proper context, I still don't think it would make any sense. Take a moment to think about the type of person who would make a dumb statement like this (additional info: there was a slight chuckle after "sober") and I have a feeling you would be exactly right.

People who appear on "Maury"

SELF EXPLANATORY

Weird Phrases Humans Say #1

"I have a work hard, play hard lifestyle"

What does that even mean? Furthermore, who could possibly care if you work hard outside of your coworkers? Silly people.

Oh yeah...

This one time, I saw someone in a polo shirt (popped collar of course) and jeans, dribbling a basketball heading to a court with some friends. That's pretty much the opposite of the previous post, and also terrible.

People who wear jerseys

For stylistic reasons, I don't walk around wearing sports jerseys. I think it's lame, but whatever. It's just a weird looking shirt for all intents and purposes. I do, however, have a problem with people wearing FULL SPORTS UNIFORMS out in public. I don't mean after playing a game or something...I mean as an actual outfit. Typically only done with basketball clothing (imagine how awkward(er) it would be to walk around in a hockey uniform?), isn't this the sort of thing that should stop around junior high? In fact, aren't "tank tops as shirts" gross in general? "Yes" and "barf" are the correct answers here. This is the sort of thing frequently found in WorstPlaceEverville or PossiblyEvenWorse Island. What do these people wear to weddings? Jumpsuits?

Hypothetical Situation #1

Let's say you accidentally find yourself visiting sunny WorstPlaceEverville (maybe it's an island...HINT) and are taking one of the many bus lines of WorstPlaceEverVille. Let's say you are a gentleman (or gentlewoman or transgentle) and give up your seat on buses/subways for old people and preggos, as a proper member of society tends to do. Now for the scenario...a woman and her boyfriend/baby daddy/husband/whatever walks on. You can't tell if she's pregnant or just has a bit of a belly. Let's further presuppose that you grew up in WorstPlaceEverville, and know that there is a very likely chance that if you're wrong and she's not pregnant, you'll have to deal with both members of the couple yelling incoherently at you for either "disrespect" or "messin' with my girl" and be uncomfortable for the rest of the ride. WHAT DO YOU DO? Discuss.

UGH

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/08/diddy_could_be_a_sex_olympian.html

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I could probably do a whole month on why P Diddy fills me such rage.

Spitters

This seems to afflict men mostly, the ones who just randomly spit anywhere and everywhere. Park your car? :spit: Exit the subway? :spit: (ON HANDRAILS EVEN) Is this really necessary? It's among the top three grossest things you can do in public (guess what the other two are!). Ugh.

Frat Boys

If I were to pick "The Five Worst Sub Groups of Humanity", frat boys would probably be number 3 (right below guidos and nazis, in that order). Maybe if I thought about it some more they wouldn't be so high up (especially since the SI - LI guido pretty much covers this mentality), but I just encountered a bunch of frat boys. I swear this is true: they were wandering around saying things like "Oh man, if we inflate it and pop it...SO nice brah" (what could that possibly mean?), and at a later point they were in a huddle, planning (?) or something (??). In their defense, they looked like they were still of college age. Frat boys are so much worse when they start pushing thirty.

EDIT: This was, of course, mostly directed at Staten Island AGAIN. I really should start going easy on them...they've got enough problems to worry about. (OH SNAP)

Stupid Tattoos

I saw a guy on the train today with a large tattoo on his forearm that said "Area 51" in a gothic font. I'm not sure if it would be better or worse if this was indeed a reference to the infamous alien housing Area 51.

People who've read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu

Or more specifically, people who've read it (for fun), like to quote it, and apply its teachings to their daily lives. Double specifically if you do it while wearing a business suit. Next time you feel like your life is exactly like "The Art of War" and you feel the need to dispense some ancient Chinese wisdom, please don't. Instead, read a book about suicide and apply THAT to your daily life.

People with strange bookmarks

This one guy at an old job spent his entire day on the internet (part of the reason why he was fired). We went through his bookmarks and found...the home page for Nabisco and the Lifesavers home page (yes, the candy). To this day it boggles my mind (this happened eight years ago or so). Who bookmarks candy websites?

Upstairs neighbors

Well, just the ones who decide it's a good idea to rearrange their entire apartment at 4AM frequently. You may feel proper feng shui is important, but it could it really bother you so much at 4AM?

Lady in the local pizzeria

You ordered one slice of pizza, and asked for salt. WHY?

Old men in computer seminars

I'm sure we've all been here before...let's say you are in a really REALLY easy class in school or something. Everything is very straightforward, and there's really no room for misinterpretation. What should be a 15 - 20 minute lesson turns into something much much longer because there is ALWAYS one person who feels the need to stop and ask questions every few minutes. This was my Monday night.

In a seminar for a digital content distribution program, we were shown a program that takes something that could be ridiculously complicated (digital content distribution) and makes it super easy. It was seriously just dragging and dropping. Very cut and dry. Yet one man boldly decided to ask the questions everyone was too afraid to ask...or maybe they were just questions that didn't need to be asked by anyone ever. The worst part is, I was rapidly falling into a coma due to lack of sleep and a heavy Chinese food lunch..so maybe I'm just a bit biased here. Whatever, if you are this person or are someone like him, you fill me with rage..