Nerds, Pt 1

Just to be clear, we're not talking about the super smart scientific people...those are geeks. There IS a difference. No, the nerds we will be discussing are the ones who take children's toys/cartoons WAY too seriously.

First up is the new crop of G.I. Joe fans. As you may know, there is a movie coming out this summer. But did you also know there is a new cartoon as well? There is. Because FANS DEMANDED IT, there is actual killing of soldiers, and you know actual violence. Why did they demand this? Because the original cartoon (the 80's cartoon FOR KIDS) wasn't "realistic enough". Wow. Relax guys. There's a reason why kids cartoons don't feature adult themes. HINT: they are for kids, and you are a sweaty 35 year old in your parents basement.

I actually find this particular nerd subset fascinating, and more than a little disturbing. Is it just me, or is it ridiculously weird that grown men are clamoring for death and destruction and praising when they get to see all the carnage? When they grow up (in their mid to late 40's I suppose), should we be worried that these cartoon nihilists may someday turn into real life nihilists? Probably not, because then they won't be able to RAGE on the internet about how so and so doesn't look the same as they did in the 80's or how cartoons need more violent killing. You're supposed to look back on these things with fondness, not expect them to grow up with you. Especially if you grow up into a messed up individual. Guys, chill. And by chill I mean, be a real soldier, buy a gun, and test it out. On your face. Aim for the center, just like a sniper.

Another hypothetical situation

Imagine, if you will, that you are a middle aged pockmarked creepy looking guy. For the sake of argument, let's say you also smell. If you are this person, would you:

A) Spot an innocent young man trying to get work, follow him down to the end of the platform, STARE at the aforementioned young man for a few minutes while waiting for the train (making him incredibly uncomfortable), try and fail to strike up a conversation (revealing your odor), get on the train, and continue to creepily stare until you get off?

OR

B) Lock yourself away for the good of humanity?

If you chose A, thanks for making my morning commute super creepy you freak.

Bold New Ways to be an A-hole #1

If you are trying to be the worst humanity has to offer, here's a helpful hint courtesy of some lady at Target:

Let's say you are out shopping for some necessities but don't bother to keep track of a ballpark figure of how much you are spending. Let's also say you don't bother to bring a reasonable amount of money for the stuff you are buying. Are you with me so far? Cool.

Okay, so now what you need to do is wait until every item is scanned (it's important that they are mostly the same item, and therefore cost the same). After all of the items are scanned, start counting your money. It really helps if you only have dollar bills and lack a basic understanding of math. Once you realize you are short, ask how much the item you have the most of costs. This item should also be the rather cheap ($1.04 in this case). Ask cashier to remove said item. Here is the key point: you need to count your money all over again, but you also need to continue to be waaay short of the total. Ask how much the cheap item costs, and have the cashier remove one more. Count your money again, to give the person behind you (me) the impression that you can't keep track of your finances for more than 30 seconds at a time. Ask how much the item costs again. Count your money again, this time going through all of your change (nickels and dimes, of course). Repeat (seriously) twice more. Have you tried it? Congrats! You're an asshole.