Just transferring a bunch of stuff from one of my secret blogs. Anything in parentheses are my current thoughts:
"New Slang?" (3/18/08) - Overheard at a local fine dining establishment during lunch: "Yo man, it's pretty church in here". Not sure what it meant, but it sounded derogatory. (I later found out it was something good, and I'm pretty sure the "fine dining establishment" was Wendy's)
"Jeopardy! Life Stories" (3/19/08) - I've seen two episodes of Jeopardy! this week, for the first time in years, and it reminded me that more often than not the anecdotes used to introduce the contestants are impossibly insane. I mean, I can't even make a joke here that would do this phenomenon any justice. Also, how do you decide what to start with? I imagine you have to give out a bunch of stories in case you become a five-time champion or whatever. Do you start out insane and taper off? Do you go out with a bang? This is important to know, since Jeopardy! is currently my retirement plan. Do I even have stories that are suitably nutty enough? I'm much more concerned with this than having actual knowledge. (Not sure I know why I felt this was worth saving...)
More to come...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Some random stuff
Dunkin Donuts, 26th St Manhattan: A young man in a business suit decides he wants to hold up the entire line to get "a shot glass of ice...just a shot" for his hot coffee instead of just buying iced coffee to begin with. Fine, whatever. But don't argue with the Dunkin Donut workers when they wont give you the ice. Just drop it so I can get my properly ordered ice coffee.
Somewhere in Chelsea: I saw some guy running with what looked like ninja socks, but each toe was separated. So, umm, I guess basically socks molded to your feet or something? But they were shoes. And they were weird.
34th St: I'm pretty sure I saw two homeless looking guys leaving a video game store. They might actually have been just very very skeevy, to be fair. Either way, shouldn't you have higher priorities than what I imagine is your non-existent X-Box? Like, ten sandwiches?
Somewhere in Chelsea: I saw some guy running with what looked like ninja socks, but each toe was separated. So, umm, I guess basically socks molded to your feet or something? But they were shoes. And they were weird.
34th St: I'm pretty sure I saw two homeless looking guys leaving a video game store. They might actually have been just very very skeevy, to be fair. Either way, shouldn't you have higher priorities than what I imagine is your non-existent X-Box? Like, ten sandwiches?
Monday, June 15, 2009
Weekend Weirdness
Saturday
Staten Island Ferry: As I occasionally do, I made a note on twitter about a terrible t-shirt I saw: "In <3 with a stripper" worn by a large man with his kid. The stripper he is in <3 with should probably take some interest in making sure he doesn't leave the house looking like that.
Williamsburg, Brooklyn: I had the extreme pleasure of seeing a bunch of people who were clearly in their mid to late 20's exit a STRETCH HUMMER (because a regular Hummer isn't ugly enough) in what looked to be either prom attire or a poorly planned wedding. They looked like the type of people who would be more at home in Midtown, so they weren't hipsters being ironic. In the brief moments these people were in my life, they also seemed to have the faux-Sopranos talk down pat. Am I mean for hoping that they all got back into the Hummer at the end of the night and sank into the river? Any river, I'm not too particular.
Sunday
Manhattan: I almost became violently ill because there were too too many HUGE girls wearing very tiny shirts. Let's just say, "double muffin top" is now a term that exists in my head. Basically, there is a muffin top, followed by a second muffin top a little higher up, followed by my breakfast forcing it's way back up.
Staten Island Ferry: As I occasionally do, I made a note on twitter about a terrible t-shirt I saw: "In <3 with a stripper" worn by a large man with his kid. The stripper he is in <3 with should probably take some interest in making sure he doesn't leave the house looking like that.
Williamsburg, Brooklyn: I had the extreme pleasure of seeing a bunch of people who were clearly in their mid to late 20's exit a STRETCH HUMMER (because a regular Hummer isn't ugly enough) in what looked to be either prom attire or a poorly planned wedding. They looked like the type of people who would be more at home in Midtown, so they weren't hipsters being ironic. In the brief moments these people were in my life, they also seemed to have the faux-Sopranos talk down pat. Am I mean for hoping that they all got back into the Hummer at the end of the night and sank into the river? Any river, I'm not too particular.
Sunday
Manhattan: I almost became violently ill because there were too too many HUGE girls wearing very tiny shirts. Let's just say, "double muffin top" is now a term that exists in my head. Basically, there is a muffin top, followed by a second muffin top a little higher up, followed by my breakfast forcing it's way back up.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Disastrous Music Videos #1
Courtesy of Videogum:
The new Black Eyed Peas song
Dear Black Eyed Peas, I regret to inform you that have redefined "musical catastrophe".
P.S. Fergie is probably history's least sexy sex symbol.
P.P.S. I am not at all interested in finding out if there IS someone worse than Fergie.
(As an aside...anyone know of any other really really bad music vids?)
The new Black Eyed Peas song
Dear Black Eyed Peas, I regret to inform you that have redefined "musical catastrophe".
P.S. Fergie is probably history's least sexy sex symbol.
P.P.S. I am not at all interested in finding out if there IS someone worse than Fergie.
(As an aside...anyone know of any other really really bad music vids?)
Photo Ops!
So, apparently there are still people out there who think it's a great idea to pose in front of a jewelry kiosk (more of a bling kiosk) in a mall while wearing a ridiculously long chain and making the "Westsiiiiiide" symbol (more like Weekawken, New Jersey). To push the Ridiculous Factor into the millions, this kid was taking cues from his dad on how to properly pose to fit everything in. YIKES. That's the sort of thing that should remain in the comfort of ones own home. Or ideally, the sort of thing that remains in the comfort of nowhere ever. Pardon me while I pray to Cthulhu to cleanse this planet.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Oh yeah...
I almost forgot. Last week a friend was nice enough to point out some guy with a tattoo of the Nike logo on his calf. Perfect timing too, since we were discussing terrible tattoos. I would like to express my deepest condolences to Nike Tattoo Guy, because that tattoo must have been an unfortunate accident.
(No no, I'm kidding. It's a great tattoo. I'm totally getting the McDonald's M on my face)
(No no, I'm kidding. It's a great tattoo. I'm totally getting the McDonald's M on my face)
How not to name your restaurant
Let's say your last name is Garibaldi and you want to open up an
Italian and Spanish restaurant. Would you name it:
Italian and Spanish restaurant. Would you name it:
A) the very classy "Garibaldi's Italian -Spanish Ristorante"
Orrrrrr
B) "Garibaldi's G-Spot Italian/Spanish Ristorante"
If you chose B, congratulations on your new Staten Island restaurant.
Notice I didn't even wait to get home to post this...
Sent from my iPhone
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